Examples of our Proof-reading and Editing

Our aim - to present our client's work so their ideas are expressed clearly. Click the links below or scroll down the page to see the results of our service.

 

Essay

Website Blog

CV

Job Cover Letter



TOEFL essay test question. A student from Poland sent us this:

Some intensive English Programs in the United States offer a foreign Student the option of living with an American family while he or she is studying abroad. Many students feel that such a home-stay program is a valuable part of their total learning experience. However, others may feel that such a plan offers little value. In a short essay, discuss one or two advantages of living with an American family and then state one or two diadvantages. Tell whether you are in favor or opposed to the idea of home-stay. Give examples to support your opinion.

A foreing student studying in America is wise to live with an American family because when a foreing student came to the United States he must make many important adjustment. A foreing student must change to suivuve in his new imviromen. A foreign student also learns how to take on responsibilities concerning his new family, he adopts to their American lifestyle as they adopt to his. It is a learning experience on both parts.

You have a advantage when living with an American family, because they would learn the American ways and customs better with an American family than if they would live with his own homeboys.

The American family becomes a second family to the foreign student. At times a foreign student may get homesick; but having a trustworthy second family can give him the security and acceptance he needs. He is probably used to having a family around him, so he will feel safe if he lives with an American family. Then he must consider that he will be in a strangr place. Evertthing will be new to you.

We analysed the essay answer that he wrote and recommended this version as far more effective and accurate:

A foreign student studying in the USA is wise to live with an American family because when a foreign student comes across a new culture he must make many important adjustments. A foreign student must change to survive in his new environment. A foreign student also learns how to take on responsibilities concerning his new family; he adapts to their American lifestyle as they adapt to his. It is a learning experience on both parts.

A student has an advantage when he lives with an American family, because he will learn the American ways and customs better with an American family than if he lived with his own countrymen.

The American family becomes a second family to the foreign student. At times a foreign student may get homesick; but having a trustworthy second family can give him the security and acceptance that he needs. He is probably used to having a family around him, so he will feel safe if he lives with a family in America too. He should then consider that he will be in a strange place. Everything will be new to him.

His American family can help him learn his way around. Therefore a foreign student is smart to live with an American family.

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Here is a young Chinese lady's blog introduction where she is trying to find contacts to help with her English studies.

Hi every body.i'm zhi hui chang .I have a english name Angel. welcom come to my page.
Guangzhouis my home town.I was born and raised there .It's a beautiful city and worth to take a tripther ,
the people there are very friendly. You are welcome to visit me anytime. I am glad to show you the best scene of the town. There are so many foreiger in gui lin .they always talk to me.but I can't reply fluently with english .I am -afraid to speak english and worry about making mistakes.It brings me headache.
I know nobody's perfect . I should try to caltivate positive attitwde .I can't stand my poor english.so i deci-de to improve it! I want to improve my siruation .Iwant to upgrade my lifestyle.
i want to speak english fluently.I want to understand accents as many as i can ! I want to write beautiful articles .I want to read thousands of books ! I want to translate properly beteen chinese and english .I want to b-e the master of both chinese and english. So i start to study"Crazy" english hard this year. I will focus on studying of my english .
if you like english.I 'm so lucky and glad to meet you !
when I was in college, I like walking a round the beautiful campus talking with my friends,I holp that when we have time I can share the same happy moments with you .thank you !

We corrected her grammar and spelling and improved the composition's style:

Hi everybody! I'm Zhi Hui Chang. I have an English name too - Angel. Welcome to my page!
Guangzhou is my home town. I was born and raised there. It's a beautiful city and worth taking a trip.
The people there are very friendly. You are welcome to visit me any time. I am glad to show you the best sights of the town.
There are so many foreigners in Guangzhou. They always try to talk to me but I can't reply fluently in English. I am afraid to make a mistake so much that it gives me headache!
I know nobody's perfect. I should try to keep a positive attitude! I can't stand my poor English so I decided to improve it! I want to improve my situation and improve my lifestyle.
I want to speak English fluently! I want to understand as many accents as I can! I want to write beautiful articles. I want to read thousands of books! I want to translate Chinese into English properly. I want to be the master of both Chinese and English.
So I'm starting to study English crazily hard this year! I will focus intensely on studying English.
If you like English too then I would be so lucky and glad to meet you!
When I was in college I loved walking around the beautiful campus talking with my friends. I hope that when we get time I can share the same happy moments with you! Thank you!


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Here we received a request from a jobseeker from Singapore to improve her CV (name and contact info removed):

Responsibility:
?Assist the General Manager to perfect operation within company.
?Handle daily affair.

Achievement:
?Write a work show about 14000 characters for filled up the empty of company.
etc. About 30 files are helping operation and divide the work.
?Create the first employee list for develop the ministry of personnel work.
?By way of keep client relations and build up the firm visualization, assist General Manager to create clients-service department.
?That could administer clients resource by the numbers and also strengthen sales manage along with the sale go up.
============================================
Responsibility:
? Reporting to the General Manager with useful information for operation email from southeast Asian customers.
? Sell the product.

Achievement:
?80000 sale per month more then 40000 average sale per month.
?Make 2006 products catalog of english version.
============================================
Responsibility:
?Finish the task sale.
?Exploit new aim market and vindicate it.

Achievement:
?Exploit and vindicate longgang areas.
?Increase to 17 good sales outsets from 5 sales outsets of the good and bad are intermingle.
?Average Sale month be go up to 120000 from 300000.
?Sale increase bring the repute and influence of NVC lighting as a famous brand.
?Build up a unfailingly impressed through that help the agents sell overstock and ravel out quit&exchange goods matter in time.
?Succeed with open up new market when the new products come into the market.
?Joined the movement of "Perfect Storm" and "Rainbow" for exploit new market. In this time, I was head of team and inspirited mates and made efforts together get new success in the empty market.

============================================
Responsibility:
?Find Clients and offer service.
?Building good cooperation relations with craft brother.
Achievement:
?Finded 7 clients in 6 months, average 10 per month. In front of mate with the same term.
?Insist on excellence service in a long time bring on good public praise in clients.


We greatly improved her attractiveness for employment by adapting her CV to this:

============================================
Business Development Executive

Responsibilities:
Closing high-end deals with current and potential major clients.
Exploiting and capitalising on new markets.

Proudest Achievements:
Exploiting opportunities in 7 new market regions.
Expanded Sales Outlets from 5 to 17, and increased turnover in each from breaking even or loss to profit in all.
Increased average monthly sales by 400%.
Opened up the reputation and brand to a much wider audience through excellent sales and marketing successes.
Reduced wastage and other under-performing expenses areas by 35% in 6-month period.
Drove morale and productivity forward by becoming Team Leader.

============================================
Operations Manager

Responsibilities:
Assisting the General Manager to develop and consistently improve company operations and procedures.
All ad-hoc tasks delegated by the General Manager and his team.
Proudest achievements:
Wrote and delivered a detailed and comprehensive 14000-character presentation to the whole company to indicate the weaknesses and encourage the development of resources and procedures in the Operations group.
Designed the first dedicated employee register for development of and manipulation by the HR dept.
Created and implemented, from scratch, the new Customer Services dept, with the assistance of the GM, which then led to much better client service and also a distinct increase in sales.

============================================
Sale Executive
Responsibilities:
Generating and maximising sales leads and closing deals.
Market research, locating and investigating competitors from south-east Asian customers.

Proudest Achievements:
Doubling the next-highest Executive's monthly sales revenue.
Creating the first English version of the product catalogue.

============================================
Business Development Coordinator

Responsibilities:
Research market and gain good quality leads.
Improve image of Department internally in order to increase budget.

Proudest Achievements:
Consistently outperformed all other members of the team in terms of sales and leads.
Achieved superb level of customer service so that feedback level hit 97% positive within 3 months.

============================================

 



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Here is the cover letter which a girl in Dubai was sending to prospective employers in England:

I want to apply for the position of Foreign Trade assistant in your company£® I am a grade 4 student , we are going to find a job as a trainee from October this year£®I am very interested in Foreign Trade ,and when I was grade 3 , I decided to find a job about Foreign Trade after I finish my school£®No matter how much I am interested in Foreign Trade and want to find a job like that ,but the fact is very clearly for me ,that is I don¡¯t have any experience about Foreign Trade, and I major in Advanced Psychology, neither International Business ,nor English£®So how can you get a job about Foreign Trade?! But I still don¡¯t want to give up, I believe that the best shortcut is step by step, and the large success is coming from a large amount of actions and failures£®The words on the Sheepskin Book is always encourage me , ¡°As long as you don¡¯t give up, you will be success at last¡±£® I stick to learn Business English almost everyday£®I listen to the mp3 of Business English , practice my writing of Business English Letter and my Business Spoken English£®I learn some basic knowledge about Foreign Trade, such as the processes in Foreign Trade, Trade terms£®I also learn some daily conversation of Korean and Japanese ,and I usually use msn online chatting software to communicate with people from different countries in English, send e-mail ,and so on£®I had seen my improvement from this process, and experienced the feeling of substantial£® I know the first step is always hard! It¡¯s my first step to enter this profession, if only I will get this job, as a trainee or a formal staff, whatever, I will start with the basic things£®I believe that my second step and third step¡­will walk better because of my first step, but all the things are depend on the support and help of your company, and I am looking forward that you will give me this opportunity£® Sincerely, The enclosure is my personal resume£®

She had not received any positive replies, until we developed this version of her cover letter, and then she received several calls for interview:

I want to apply for the position of Foreign Trade assistant in your company. I am a grade 4 student looking to become a trainee from October this year. I am very interested in Foreign Trade, and last year I decided that Foreign Trade is the most appropriate area for me to work in.

I understand that as I don't yet have full commercial experience in this area, a trainee programme or internship is the best way for me to learn. I believe that the best path forward is step by step, and the highest successes come from hard work and persistence. I improve my Business English and knowledge every day by listening, watching and reading the news and business literature. My knowledge of industry terms and standards in both English and Arabic is now at a good level. I use any opportunity I can to develop myself.

I know the first step is always hard! That is why I am willing to do all it takes to get further in my career by giving my skills and enthusiasm to your company. I know together we can achieve great things!

Looking forward to hearing from you,

Regards,

[name removed]

CV enclosed.



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